the minor premise

the minor premise

Friday, April 29, 2011

An Occasion for Bartholemew Cubbins

The recent royal wedding was inspirational to some; however I missed it entirely. I did read of the great fuss made over the hats worn (or not worn) by the female attendees. Having not posted in a great while, I decided to give the old parody pen another try.

Headgear Displayed
(to the tune of "Easter Parade;" apologies to Irving Berlin)
by Dminor

At the royal wedding
(They'll not be soon forgetting),
Oh what an odd assortment
of headgear displayed.


Some, "boats" perched on the cranium;
some, words will fail explaining 'em,
Ended up as fodder 

For a critics tirade.

A bizarre review, it's a head-top zoo!
And somewhere off to the side,
I heard that there was
a royal groom and his bride

Oh, they're even hammerin'
on Samantha Cameron
whose tasteful dress but lack of hat
left critics dismayed.


I hope all had a Happy and Blessed Easter, and best wishes to the happy couple.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A liberal application of Hairspray

I like Harry Potter.
I like Hairspray (the musical. Haven't seen the John Waters original.)
I occasionally dabble in parody.
I mishear song lyrics, frequently to amusing effect (just ask my husband how Lesley and the Rev. Blue Jeans are, sometime.)
I wish I had thought of this. Darn it, darn it, darn it, I wish I had thought of this.

Not the only, nor even the first, Good Morning, Baltimore parody featuring Voldemort on the nets. But the unrivalled best, no room for argument, in terms of lyrics, performance, and production. Enjoy, ye Potter nerds!

(Alert: Innuendo aplenty. Don't share with the kiddos without first reviewing it yourself.)

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Five Year Plan and Pulp Faction

Happy Blogaversary to us! Five years ago (that doesn't seem possible, does it) I posted a test message expressing a hope to comment on "life, the universe, and everything." While we have not been consistent in our blogging efforts (sometimes out of necessity), we have kept it going as an outlet for our views on anything and everything. Hopefully it has provided some enjoyment and maybe even some useless information.

On that note, my eldest son, who is an aficionado of Japanese pop culture, explained to me that there was a manga series, Read or Dream, where the major superpower involved the manipulation of paper. "Finally," I observed, "a show where the heroes must all be bureaucrats.

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Sunday, February 07, 2010

Football for the Novice

In honor of Superbowl XLIV the minor premise goes into the Wayback Machine to find Andy Griffith's 1953 football classic, brilliantly illustrated with cartoons from the Golden Age of Mad Magazine:

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Saturday, January 16, 2010

Floored Drawers

An great Neil Young impression by Jimmy Fallon. American Idol viewers and pop-culture watchers will recognize the lyrics written by "General" Larry Pratt, of Atlanta.



Here's wishing Mr. Pratt well. Somewhere Andy Warhol is looking on . . . .

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Monday, December 14, 2009

A Swing and A Miss


Golfers are familiar with the terms "Mulligan" and "Gimme," but how many are familiar with the term "Tiger?" A duffer hits a "Tiger" when he drives 50 yards and lands, disasterously, against a tree.

Recently around here, the news has been full of infidelity. (One could argue that mainstream news always lacks fidelity, but that is for another post.) South Carolina First Lady Jennie Sanford giving the gubenatorial heave-ho to husband Mark for his transgressions with an Argentine "soulmate." And of course Tiger Woods playing at least an extra nine. I turned on the television the other night to find an entire show dedicated to infidelity: Cheaters. (Will they get around to making shows about the crossing of the other nine commandments?)I couldn't watch more than a few minutes of this "show."

Exposure to infidelity seems inescapable, if lamentable. A good friend at work is having to go through a divorce because of his wife's infidelity. In the first three places I lived during my married life, my next door neighbors divorced (ok, the last ones weren't legally married, but you get the point.), and at least two were due to infidelity. Such things could give one a complex.

All this stands in marked contrast to the example of the Holy Family. Mary and Joseph were not without issues -- Mary's surprise pregnancy must have been a terrible shock, and could have had fatal consequences had she been betrothed to someone else. But we remember the nativity with Mary and Joseph in attendance.

Some look on marriage as quaint and out of date; and yet, the tabloids make a killing from exposing marital transgressions. Despite the sexual revolution, we cannot escape the premise that adultery is wrong.

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Gaming the System

C ran into what appears to ba a pretty good video game hoax by way of the Anchoress. Now C is not into video games at all, but this one caught her attention. It is called Mass We Pray, and it appears to lampoon the kitchier aspects of Christian video gaming, Catholicism, the WII system and gullible video game geeks.



A cross-chaplet (or an attempt at a rosary?) and kneeler controller!

Of course, anyone who has spent more than a Sunday in a Catholic church will recognize the problems with the "game." The kids cross themselves left-handed. They include "taking collection" and "conducting the choir" as a "sacrament and holy ritual." And of course the mixing of Protestant and Catholic motifs is a dead giveaway.

I would include in an expansion pack:
- the cantor's microphone and "too-high arrangement" level
- the deluxe K of C spaghetti dinner sauce ladle controller
- feedback-prone squealing hearing aid (try to guess which parishoner has it)


We Pray, Protestant Edition would include:
- Crockpot controller for the covered dish supper level
- Stay awake until the end of the sermon challenge
- "Race to the front" altar call level

And, to cover all markets, the game should be available in English, Spanish, French and Tongues.

This sort of reminds me of the "Jesus is a Friend of Mine"/Sonseed meme perpetuated by the dougsploitation blog -- without the innuendo.

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Sunday, November 01, 2009

Walken in the Footsteps of Steve

Entertainer Steve Allen once postulated that rock and roll lyrics were the poetry of the new generations. Actually, he was just making a joke. Anyway, in the interest of culture, the minor premise offers the following dramatic reading of "Poker Face," (written by Stefani Germanotta and Nadir Khayat) by the actor Christopher Walken:



In the 1980s, Steve Allen would recite the lyrics to Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" (written by Pete Bellotte, Harold Faltermeyer and Keith Forsey), but he began the practice in the late 1950s, reading "Be-Bop-a-Lula" (Lyrics by Donald Graves or Bill "Sheriff Tex" Davis).

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Friday, October 30, 2009

For the Birds?

I usually view technology as my friend. My father worked for a large computer company when computers were large, and only Bruce Wayne had one in his home. I enjoy a good gadget, even if my budget has kept me from early adoption of most of them. On the internet, I can really appreciate how internet relay chat, instant messaging, voice and video conferencing software, Wikis (especially Wikipedia) and even blogs have enriched life. I'll even allow that social networking sites have some use. The one phenomenon for which I really haven't found a use is microblogging, also known as Twittering.

Recently, in a leadership seminar, I asked a presenter if she used Twitter professionally. She was effusive in her praise of the program, saying that Twitter had brought business to her company. As proof of Twitter's usefulness she pointed me to an article by networking expert Sarah Michel entitled "Twitter Chatter." Sarah Michel embraces Twitter as

an amazing marketing tool. I personally know several people who have gotten business, secured contracts and even landed new jobs all on Twitter. It provides a great platform for you to get immediate feedback on ideas, products or concepts. Remember, this is free marketing research!


She also gives some tips on keeping the tweets relevant and interesting.
Here are a few of her recent "Tweets":


# I just saw "This Is It" the new Michael Jackson movie with a group ranging from 11 to 50 yrs. of age-EVERYONE loved it! Go see the talent!about 22 hours ago from TweetDeck

# Driving to Denver airport in a blinding snow storm. Luckly it's not sticking to the road. If you don't have to go anywhere today...don't!2:46 PM Oct 25th from Tweetie

# You have 17 seconds to make a positive first impression-make sure your intro is Clear, Concise, Catchy & Communicates your value-add8:03 AM Oct 23rd from TweetDeck


I still have to say that I am somewhat of a skeptic. Consider these "Tweets" from one Levi Johnson of Wasilla, Alaska:


# CONFIRMATION: It looks like the shoot will
be all nude after all.. ..! But in a
tasteful matter (who remembers Austin powers
ending part I)about 21 hours ago from web

# @JGoo220 You know you're a celebrity when
strangers want to see your penis.!!LMAO --
9:57 AM Oct 29th from web in reply to
JGoo220

# there's been a lot of rumours whether I'll
go fulll frontal as of late... I repeat
===its NOT CONFIRM. ( not yet ) I will let
ya guys know9:46 AM Oct 29th from web

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Sunday, October 04, 2009

Laws, Decency and Broken Clocks

I hardly ever agree with Eugene Robinson. I can't think of a time when we have been on the same side of an issue. Generally, his columns approach controversial subjects with no respect to opposing views; an attitude that generally annoys me. Our local paper runs him as a liberal voice in a mostly conservative op-ed section, probably as contrast. Even taking into account his role as equal time, I have considered writing the paper and asking them to replace him with someone with better arguments. (Ah, William Raspberry, why did you have to retire!)

But I have to give credit where credit is due. Mr. Robinson is spot on in his assessment of the Roman Polanski/Hollywood situation in his column of October 2, "Hollywood's Shame." The folks who are supporting Polanski's unconditional release are dead wrong, by any reasonable measure. Polanski plead guilty of a crime, jumped bail (another crime) and evaded U.S. law enforcement for 30 years. Leniency, if warranted, is the province of the sentencing judge, not the Hollywood elite or even public opinion. Not if we claim to be a nation of laws, it isn't.

Much was made of unity and common ground between the right and the left after the election of Barack Obama, although the rosy scenario failed to play out. In this case, at least, there can be unity among the decent.

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Monday, September 28, 2009

Inevitable Destiny

Recently, an individual from a town down the road ran into a little trouble with the law for allegedly stalking pop/country singer Miley Cyrus. Seemingly in revenge, pop radio stations in the area have been playing Miley's latest in high rotation. I cannot escape from the song. I'm sure that even King George II would have kept his seat had he been played the Hallelujah Chorus repeatedly ad nauseum. So, in hopes of exorcising an ear worm, and having a little fun, the Parody department offers its take on Miley Cyrus' "Party in the U.S.A."

That Miley Song
to the tune of Party in the U.S.A.
by DMinor and CMinor (apologies to Lucasz Gottwald, Claude Kelly, Jessica Cornish and Miley Cyrus)

I'm on the job, got a lot to do
But the radio's my friend
Let the DJ spin his hits for me
Am I gonna like them?

I didn't mind hearing it for the first time
It wasn't bad on the second and third time
This is all so crazy
Have all the DJ's got lazy?

And now I hear it
And I'm feelin' like I'll get sick
Too much airplay
And exposure
'Cause when a buddy turned on the radio

And that Miley song was on
And that Miley song was on
And that Miley song was on

So I throw my hands up
They're playin' that song
I'm screaming "just go away!"
Banging my head -- oh yeah
Plugging my ears -- oh yeah
I'm gonna give up
Why didn't they know
That it ruined ol' Billy Ray
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay

Get to my house - it's after work
And the kids have all come home from school
My daughter says she's got to have her station--
She says mine's not cool
Oh well, a little pop can't hurt me
It's definitely not old AT-Forty
'Cause all I want are Dick and Casey
These modern DJ's drive me crazy

But now I hear it
And I'm feelin' like I'll get sick
Too much airplay
And exposure
Only fifteen minutes from the last time

That the Miley song was on
That the Miley song was on
That the Miley song was on

So I throw my hands up
They're playin' that song
I'm screaming "just go away!"
Tearing my hair -- Oh yeah!
Pounding the ground -- Oh yeah!
I'm gonna give up
Why didn't they know
That it ruined ol' Billy Ray
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay

What is wrong with Beyoncé?
Nickleback is just all right.
Really want some Led Zepplin
But there's that song again-- no end in sight!

So I throw my hands up
They're playin' that song
I'm screaming "just go away!"
Banging my head -- oh yeah
Plugging my ears -- oh yeah
I'm gonna give up
Why didn't they know
That it ruined ol' Billy Ray
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay

So I throw my hands up
They're playin' that song
I'm screaming "just go away!"
Tearing my hair -- Oh yeah!
Pounding the ground -- Oh yeah!
I'm gonna give up
Why didn't they know
That it ruined ol' Billy Ray
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay
Yeah
She's suffering from overplay

[maniacal laughter]

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Friday, September 25, 2009

How Hope Can Change

The Summer Slide
by Dminor

A cloud hangs over Washington;
It will not go away.
The people strain to remember
An earlier glory day.

After years of waiting impatiently,
Decades of righteous strife,
We thought their coming would, at last,
bring the town to life.

Anticipation greeted them;
The people hopeful, then,
Are now, by turns, an "angry mob"
Or joyless women, men.

Such hopes we had, and some still do
Come out and show support.
But how much can proud citizens stand
From report after bad report?

Apologies and finger-pointing!
Blame bias, Blame the past!
Who cares what caused the summer slide?
Our champions have finished last.

A cloud hangs over Washington!
Disappointment! Pain!
Baseball came to old DC,
but the Nats lost 100 again.


On the occasion of the Washington Nationals second straight 100-loss season.

At least they're not the Lions.

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Arrr Value

Today is Talk Like a Pirate Day, so in that spirit we will present the following piratey items:

Olympic Pirate triathalon (2008 RESULTS):

Fencing:
Country G S B TOTAL
1 ITALY 2 0 5 7
2 FRANCE 2 2 0 4
3t GERMANY 2 0 0 2
4 USA 1 3 2 6
3t P. R. CHINA 1 1 0 2

Shooting:
Country G S B T
1 P. R. CHINA 5 2 1 8
2 USA 2 2 2 6
3t CZECH REP. 2 1 0 3
3t UKRAINE 2 1 0 3
3t ITALY 1 2 0 3

Sailing:
Country G S B T
1 GREAT BRITAIN 4 1 1 6
2t AUSTRAILIA 2 1 0 3
3t SPAIN 1 1 0 2
3t USA 1 1 0 2
3t P. R. CHINA 1 0 1 2

Pirate Final Rank (must medal in at least two events; point values are Gold=3, Silver=2 and Bronze=1):

1t P. R. CHINA 29 points
1t USA 29 points
3t ITALY 18 points

(Olympic results from the Canadian Broadcasting System site.)

So that settles it, the world's biggest pirates are the USA and China. Hmmmmm.

I'll just settle back and listen to some pirate-appropriate songs:

Sailing - Christopher Cross
Hook - Blues Traveller
Jolly Roger - Adam Ant
Patches - Dickey Lee

and, of course, Pachelbel's Canon in D

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Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'll Dance at Your Wedding, or Aisle Be Gettin' Down to Chris Brown

It sure isn't Felix Mendelssohn.



10 Points up for expressing the joy of the occasion. 1000 down for not expressing the solemnity of the occasion. I wonder what the vows were like. If you dance like this at the wedding, what do you do at the reception?

I had intended to dive in the fray resulting from Darwin's Post "Culture Clash" on American Catholic and and Darwin Catholic, with a comment lamenting the lack of sacrament in the modern view of marriage, but this may say it all.

Maybe they read Jane Austin instead of Corinthians. Probably not.

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Monday, July 13, 2009

Unhinged


The master of the parody has done it again. Al Yankovic has released a send up of the style of Jim Morrison and the Doors, titled "Craigslist" and it is dead on. Just as he did with his masterwork "Genius in France" Al manages to pay tribute while being hilarous. Craigslist includes the talents of Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek, which undoubtedly helps match the Doors sound, although Yankovic's band has matched (or bettered) the sound of such diverse groups as the B-52s ("Mr. Popeil"), Nirvana ( "Smells Like Nirvana) and Chamillionare ("White and Nerdy").

To take in the "Craigslist" video, you'll need to go the posting on YouTube, where Al can direct you to vendors of his song.

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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Canon Fodder

This from our local arts and entertainment weekly. I have to admit it made me laugh:

No, Muslims don't believe that Jesus was the messiah. Think of it like a movie. The Torah was the first one, and the New Testament is the sequel. Then the Qu'ran comes out and it retcons the last one like it never happened. There's still Jesus, be he's not the main character anymore, and the messiah hasn't shown up yet. Jews liked the first movie, but ignored the sequels. Christians think you need to watch the first two movies, but the third one doesn't count. Muslims think the third movie was the best, and the Mormons liked the second one so much that they started writing fan-fiction that doesn't fit with any of the series of the canon.

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Sunday, February 08, 2009

Stimulus and Response

Minor Premise at the movies (or at least at the videos) presents a twin bill -- two YouTube videos brimming with economic excitement and political thrills.

The first is a "commericial" for Stimulus, apparently the current drug of choice in Washington DC:



I noticed that there was no warning of the possibility of the medicine being habit-forming. It was probably an oversight. A Hat Tip to The Big Picture. "Stimulis" is written and produced by Ted Balaker, and edited by Alex Manning.

For our feature presentation, we have economic megastar Milton Friedman in a 1979 classic. His costar, Phil Donohue, plays the role of clueless liberal daytime talk-show host.



Thanks to Red State for the video.

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Monday, January 26, 2009

A Tale of Two Sporting Events, or Bout Time



I have loved sports all my life. When I was younger, I enjoyed the usual sports, especially football and basketball. While life choices, injury, physical limitations and, yes, lack of talent made sports less a part of my life after age 17, I still enjoy sports both as a participant and a spectator. This past weekend, I was able to do both, and experience two very different cultures while doing so.

I fence as a hobby, and this weekend I participated in fencing tournament. My weapon of choice is epee. While the other weapons (foil, sabre) are encumbered with esoteric rules governing scoring and target area, epee fencing is simplicity itself. If you hit your opponent without being hit, you score. If both fencers hit simultaneously, they both score. The epee fencer can hit any part of his opponent -- the sword arm is frequently the target of choice because it is the part of the body closest to the fencer. Despite the relative simplicty of the game, skill and strategy are both necessary to do well. To do really well, athleticism is also a plus. A fencing bout contains a bit of ceremony, with salutes and handshakes required at the proper times. The sport does involve contact, and bruises are not unusual, especially in epee. However, despite the exertion, the particpants are almost always civil on and off the fencing strip.

There were few spectators at the tournament who were not participants themselves. Included in the participants and coaches were a published author, businessmen, college instructors, and students.

My portion of the tournament did not go very well. After starting relatively well in the preliminary rounds (2 wins, 2 losses), I lost to a lower seeded fencer, lost two places in the standings and was eliminated from competition.

My second sports outing of the day involved a very different atmosphere. A coworker had been encouraging me to go see her participate in her sport of choice: roller derby. Prior to her invitation, I had not even thought of the sport for decades. Indeed, what I remembered was less sport and more "sports entertainment," very much like professional wrestling. When I was a kid, between weekend episodes of the Three Stooges or the Li'l Rascals, I would occasionally tune into matches involving the Washington Tiger-Cats, who would whiz around a banked rink flinging their opponents into and over the protective rail. The teams were co-ed, with men and women alternating periods. Characters like Little Richard Brown and Big Bertha were the stars, and my brother and I would reinact the matches in our socks on the tiled floor in the basement rec room. For a look at roller derby of this era, see the film Kansas City Bomber.


The 2009 version of roller derby bore some resemblance to the "game" I remembered from 1970's UHF TV. The teams fielded five skaters each, with one skater, designated as the "jammer," able to score points. The bout was held at a local roller rink, so the track on which the women skated was completely flat. The teams were entirely female, and some played up the vixen angle a little. Spectacle was the order of the day, with odd costumes, mascots, and wild names for the skaters and referees based on violent wordplay: Jule C. Blood, Anita Straitjacket, I. Candy Stroyu. The particpants did roller derby as an avocation; all came from and went back to their "normal" lives and jobs outside the rink.

Interestingly, the skaters actually contested the bout -- the outcome did not appear scripted at all. In fact, the score was somewhat of a blowout: Richland County Regulators 191, Soul City Sirens 106. The sport was rough, but the violence was not excessive. While there were plenty of falls and some hard hits, there were no fights and only two stoppages for injury. Both injured skaters were able to leave the rink under their own power. Success and failure depended on athleticism, teamwork, strategy and technique. Penalties were meted out for infractions, and the referees (of which there were many) called a fair game. All of this was in contrast to my childhood memories.

The bout attracted many spectators, almost all of whom paid upwards of $10 for the privilige. While I do not know the vocations of the skaters (save my one coworker), my daughter did overhear two spectators remark that they had just been released from prison.

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Things Really Are Bigger in Texas

This item from John McCaslin's column caught my eye this morning:

"Dear John," reads the "Dear John" letter from Houston.

"In light of your political coverage area, I am writing to you regarding ... Barack Obama's inauguration and to introduce you to Presidential Park and Gardens ... scheduled to open in September of 2009. The park will feature 43 larger-than-life statues of all the United States presidents ... and the Obama sculpture is currently in development with plans for completion by Presidents Day.

"The presidential sculptures are all at least 18 feet in size and weigh an average of 7,000 pounds apiece."

I don't know about you, but this columnist can't wait to travel to Texas and lay my eyes on an 18-foot-tall, overweight replica of Chester A. Arthur.


Chester Arthur, heck. I'd like to see William Howard Taft.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

Rejected Titles for the New Bond Film

Fractal of Ennui
Kilowatt of Angst
Parsec of Nostalgia
Angstrom of Euphoria (courtesy D)

Tonight I'm off to see Twilight with the Girl Scout troop. If I have a brain cell or two left after the experience, I may write something on it.

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