the minor premise

the minor premise

Monday, March 30, 2009

Send a red envelope

The Red Envelope Project seeks to flood the White House mailroom with red envelopes as a witness against abortion. Each envelope sent is to symbolize one life lost; it is hoped that the volume of mail received as a result of this project will give some sense of the huge waste of lives (about 50 million since 1973.) The official launch date for envelopes is tomorrow, March 31.
Details here.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Them There 'Ayes'

I thought I'd try some variations on I Only Have Eyes For You. Unfortunately, as the song is irregular in meter and rhyme scheme and only about eleven lines long (if you don't count the refrain) it doesn't lend itself well to parody. I'm contemplating parodying only medieval ballads or Gilbert and Sullivan arias henceforth.

Following is the result of my labors. The theme was suggested by D, who can be relied upon to always go for the cheap pun. I think it works; you have to imagine it being sung by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi [subject of a prior musical tribute by D] to the Prez.

'Ayes' For You
To be sung, with profuse apologies to Harry Warren and Al Dubin (also Peggy Lee, The Flamingos, The Lettermen, and the gazillion other artists who have covered the original,) to the tune of I Only Have Eyes For You

My House must be a rubber-stamp House,
Delivering bills straight to you--
Sha bop sha bop

We have majority;
If we strongarm the weak GOP
We'll only have 'ayes' for you.

But they're holding out
And some Blue Dogs are starting to pout--
Will we have the 'ayes' for you?

I don't know if we can still hold 'em
If their voters raise the hue--

To distract we can try,
Letting trillions of dollars go by
And setting up Stimulus II--
But will we have 'ayes' for you?

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Monday, March 23, 2009

Say No to BO, or I'd Rather Have an IC

The Ironic Catholic has found herself under a mountain of academic work that will preclude posting for a short while. We at the minor premise wish her the best. We also applaud her valiantly offering to give the commencement speech at Notre Dame in the place of a President whose policies on embryonic stem cell research and overturning of the Mexico City Policy fly in the face of the institution's Catholic principles. In that spirit of her blog (and noting that she offered to give the address in Limerick form), we offer the following poem Limerick.

There once was an Indiana college
That put politics above knowledge.
It chose an iconic
Instead of Ironic,
In hopes of a stimulus bill haulage.

Best of Luck IC


I Can Has Bailout?

Combining two of our favorite things: first responders and political satire.

funny pictures
moar funny pictures


Friday, March 20, 2009

An Embarassment of Riches

I let things go for a month or so, and when I come back there's so much material I feel like Lucy in the chocolate factory--I can barely keep up! A few items from this evening's offerings:

1. We spent some time in Germany and were always a bit nonplussed about the Germans' love-hate relationship with Americans and all things American (on average, they didn't much care for Americans, although Air Force officers seemed to be in high demand in the Morale Welfare circular personals ads; things American, be they music, rodeo, U.S. mailboxes, or the flag as a motif on everything from scarves to sports cars, they were wild about.) Thus we weren't terribly surprised to come across this new product. Yep, that's right. Chicken fingers. Mit curry dip--let's not go overboard with this American thing, shall we?

I figured the product choice was an example of political correctness stopping at the water's edge, but we are assured that the common stereotype does not translate into German. I dunno...

2. Somebody at the Huffington Post went off the rez and posted a profile of Kolan McConiughey, a top Special Olympics bowler who could easily make hash of Barack Obama. He has some tips for the prez for improving his game.

3. The New Republic's assistant editor James Kirchick takes matters into his own hands and offers his own Nowruz greeting to the people of Iran. All I can say is whew.

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File under "Triumphs of Science"

This one is just for funsies. I hope the folks at the Ig Nobel Awards are paying attention:

CNN reports that when men see a bikini-clad woman, the areas of the male brain that are associated with handling tools and the intention to perform light up. The result? Men depersonalize sexual images of women.

Depersonalization? Perhaps. Still, science may have just solved a problem for women everywhere. Yes, indeedy--they may have just simplified that frustrating matter of how to introduce the weekend "Honey-do" list to greatest effect. Ladies, are you paying attention? First, don swimwear. Then, present toolbox. Once again scientific research enriches lives!

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It's gonna be a long four years...

Here's one more for the "If George Bush (or Trent Lott, or George Allen, or...) had said it..." file:

Towards the end of his approximately 40-minute appearance, the president talked about how he's gotten better at bowling and has been practicing in the White House bowling alley.

He bowled a 129, the president said.

"That's very good, Mr. President," Leno said sarcastically.

It's "like the Special Olympics or something," the president said.


It's as if the mean kid on the schoolyard never grew up. Can the man think without a teleprompter?

I could be overanalyzing, but I see a Freudian component to this slip-up. This, after all, a man who before he's been in office a month has reinserted abortion promotion into foreign health assistance, elevated a number of radical pro-aborts to positions of influence, declared open season on human embryos, defunded a non-embryo-destructive form of stem cell research, and made motions to compel pro-life medical practitioners to violate their consciences or leave their jobs. Insensitivity to the handicapped seems to fall right in line.

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Beaten to the Punchbowl

It Came From Allen's Brain took a stab at what might happen if the trend of putting Scripture on everyday commercial products (think Testa-mints) extended to wine. He offered such varieties as Naked Noah and Lot's Daughters (which I envision as a blush, with an unpleasant aftertaste.)

However, there is at least one vintner who already incorporates scripture in labeling. About a year ago a Baptist friend of mine gave me a bottle of Lookout Mountain Rosé. On the label was a "caution concerning abuse" and a reference to Ephesians 5:18 (Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.)

In my misspent youth, I attended a wedding reception where I was asked several times if I was "Spirit-filled." Since it was a "dry" reception, I had to answer "not yet, but maybe later."

Thanks to our blogland friend The Ironic Catholic, who pointed us to Allen's Brain's post.


Saturday, March 07, 2009

"Gift" means poison in German . . .

They say that you can never take back a first impression, and the new administration has made quite an impression with their choice of gifts in the last couple of days.

Among the things which peeved our British friends during the UK Prime Minister's visit to Washington was President Obama's choice of gift to PM Brown. Our President offered the Prime Minister a bunch of DVDs of American Movies. Iain Brown, of the Daily Telegraph, explains that DVD technology and television have made it all the way to the UK, and that the British people have viewed the films "as many times as you have." The Obama gift was in contrast to Mr. Brown's gift of a very unique pen made from the wood of an old British vessel (HMS Gannet). The desk in the White House Oval office is made from the sister ship of the Gannet.

Finally, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton presented Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov with a red button she believed was marked "Reset" in Russian. It did not read "Reset," but instead read "Overcharge." Sister Toldjah believed that the button was actually supposed to remain in the White House for when the President "decides to help the American people with more entitlement programs, tax hikes, and pork." Tommy Christopher quipped that
"the last thing you want to give Russia is 'the button. . . .'” This has got to be a big black eye for the U.S. State Department Russian Lanuguage program.

Label this: Protocol Fail

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