Hot Correspondence for Hallow's Eve

For a long time now, I have marveled at the meteoric rise and, at least for now, fall of our current president. How could someone gain such a high office so quickly and with seemingly so few credentials? The letter below may shed some light on subject, but, given its origin, I doubt it has any real value to inform.

I have no intention of explaining how the correspondence I now offer to the public fell into my hands, but I offer it anyway.

My Dear Holeywood,

Initially I have been delighted with your success so far with your patient, but I must say that he has been aiding you almost every step of the way. You must guard against complacency, lest the Enemy steal your triumph from your outstretched fingers. I must say that crafting an early success, built on promises and the hopes of the downtrodden but on no real accomplishment was almost a stroke of genius. Stroking his ego every step of the way, surrounding him with people reinforcing his faults rather than challenging him was all very well played. Little did he know that the bargain he struck would be intended for his eventual eternal undoing and Our Father's delight. His unquestioning acceptance of all that the world would give him; power, fine things, celebrity, even adulation and worship, serve only to bring him closer to Our Father's House. The use of an international "peace" prize was a particularly elegant touch, even if some in our Realm thought it a bit overdone.

Perhaps by happy accident, you have helped your fellow toilers by sowing despair among so many of the 300 million souls in our region. For that I am sure you will win the grudging approval of your peers. They bought into hope and change, and it distracted many of them from that disgusting Hope that doesn't change.

Is it possible, however, that you are closing the trap too quickly. So soon after reaching his goal, was it wise to let his admirers desert him and his detractors gain in strength? Would he not suspect some wonderfully Diabolical motive to the rug of popularity flying so soon from beneath his feet? Wouldn't he suspect who it was that was behind such an unlikely rise if it were not sustained? Will he not sense that our promises were as fleeting as his, but with a more deliberate purpose? Our Father will not be pleased at all to have this victory snatched from his jaws. Even if your patient has not called upon Him before for help, or has ignored His invitations, it is the Enemy's way to turn deep adversity to His gain at the worst possible moment. The patient's adversity will pale in comparison to yours if this comes to pass.

Your affectionate uncle,
        Gaptape

If They Come for Juan, They Can Come For Others; or National Public Restrainers

Growing up in an area where the Washington Post was becoming the major newspaper, I learned to appreciate reasoned media viewpoints different than my own. Frankly, the shouting and name-calling that masquerades as debate really gets on my nerves, such that I usually can't watch/listen to very much of it. While I am more partial  to commentators coming from the right side of the spectrum, there are a few who come from the left side that I can enjoy reading/listening to/watching and respect, without necessarily agreeing with their points.  Retired columnist William Raspberry was one; Nat Hentoff was another. In electronic media, Juan Williams was always a favorite of mine from the left.

Apparently, he was not a favorite of his erstwhile employer National Public Radio. NPR's management bristled at his appearances at Fox News, a network which has drawn open enmity from the current administration.  NPR fired Williams after his appearance on the Fox News' show "The O'Reilly Factor," where he expressed his fear of traveling with individuals in Muslim clothing. While NPR was and is within its rights to have a staff of its choosing, the firing smacked of enforcement of politically correct thought. So, rather than write a serious piece on Williams, his career, and the dangers of penalizing honesty, I decided to write a parody.

Juan (to the tune of "One," most recognizably recorded by Three Dog Night)
by DMinor, with apologies to Harry Nilsson

UPDATE: Audio now available

Find more artists like DMinor Music at Myspace Music

Juan was an NPR talker analyzing news.
Now the brass is mad at Juan
'Cause he honestly answered O'Reilly's question.

Oh, what he said was intolerant and he should know;
Yes, to fear Muslim-garbed terrorists is a "no-no."
'Cause Juan was an NPR talker, they know more than you;
Juan was an NPR talker, now he's through.

They just can't have anyone have an honest say.
Now he'll spend his time on Fox News' dime, and with great pay!

Juan's now their liberal, Yes now Juan is their liberal,
Good old Juan is their liberal talker analyzing news.
Juan's through with NPR, Juan's through with NPR,
Juan's through with NPR, honesty has won through.
It's just no good NPR, drive dissent away?

(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal,
(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal,
(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal thinker balancing  their news.

(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal,
(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal,
(Fox News) Juan's now their liberal thinker balancing  their news.

Slave's Wages

For those who wish to see what real slavery is about, I submit this story of a Saudi prince's treatment of his "servant" while in the UK.

Whit's in a Name? or The Power of N

There once was a candidate, Green,
Who suspected conspiracy mean,
With the ballots in sight, he
Cried "I'm not Rich Whitey!
It's 'Whitney' and has ever been."

While I'm not sure Mr. Rich Whitney can find the humor in his predicament, I certainly can.

Jay Leno, in his headline segment some years ago showed a campaign sign that read "Rich White, Republican." This was the candidate's actual name and appeared on the ballot.   Too bad he wasn't running against a Democrat Red N. Poe.

Local newscasters eschew the diminutive when reporting on Aiken county's sheriff, Michael Hunt, despite the fact that his early campaign material used that form.   Rich Whitney can thank his lucky stars he doesn't have to run under that name.

Straining at the Oratory

I stopped by the blog of the Trousered Ape and found a reference to a poem written in honor of Independent (but formerly Republican) gubenatorial candidate Charlie Crist.  There was one passage that particularly struck me as wrong. Since the neither Crist's site (where the poem resides) or Trousered Ape have a comment box, I post my reply here.


Reply to a Point in "The People's Independent"
by Dminor

A political poem
by James E. Tokely
said "Had Lincoln been a Democrat,
Might he still have set Black folks free?"

Had the poetic dullard
Read his history,
He would recall the Republicans
Were the abolitionist party.

The Democrats of  the day
(Four-score years seven from the revolution)
Were very much in support
Of the Peculiar Institution.

When we wax poetic
And call on history in our verse,
We might want to actually read some,
Lest our poems turn out worse.

One more for the bulletin bloopers file

I spotted this on an email for local pro-life events this month:

Living Rosary [held at the local Catholic high school football field]...Bring misquote repellent.

Were that not proofreading cautionary tale enough, this followed:

The Living Rosary is equally spectacular, if not more so.

Was that why we need the misquote repellent?

Unnecessarily Heating Up the Climate

I watched a video "commercial" on YouTube the other day  that was about as offensive a piece as I have seen in a while.  I even refuse to link to it (acutally, as it turns out, it has been pulled). The video, produced by a British "climate change" group, was a terrible death fantasy whereby people who did not buy into the climate change dogma were horribly killed, on camera. I saw it as a thinly veiled threat to all who do not believe as they do. How many of these climate-change true believers feel the same way?

According to the climate change worrying site 350.org, the British climate group 10:10 produced and posted the video, but has since taken it off.  The folks at 350, who are attempting to organize a "work day" on October 10th in every country in the world, were also appalled at the video and lamented its effect on their work.I don't know much about 350, and would bet that I would differ with them on most things. But I can respect their disgust and the repugnant video.

If you have not seen the video, be glad that you missed it.