the minor premise

the minor premise

Friday, November 27, 2009

Out of the Blue and Into the Black, or Back in Black Friday

Black Friday, the Friday after Thanksgiving, has become a somewhat troubling American tradition, making an unofficial start to a secular Advent of consumerism. We usually do as little shopping on "Black Friday" as possible, but since Hon Daughter No. 1 needed a ride to her job at a retail establishment, we decided to go in and look around.

We were browsing a display of recorded Christmas Music, when what to my wondering eyes should appear: A Billy Idol Christmas Album, Billy Idol, Happy Holidays! He is one of the last people I would expect to be making a Christmas record.

On the way home, a local classic rock station serenaded us with a traditional-sounding rendition of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
"Hmm, that sounds like Chrissy Hynde [of the Pretenders]." I guess parenthood can mellow anyone out.

So that got us wondering who else would we not expect to find in the Christmas Music business: Metallica came to mind. What would they sing?

Enter Santaman (to the tune of Enter Sandman)
by DMinor (apologies to Kirk Hammett, James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Father Josef Mohr, Johnny Marks, Mel Tormé, Bob Wells and Clement C. Moore)

Full of joy, full of fun
for daughter and son,
tho' he sees everyone.

Up on his shelves, made by elves
(who keep to themselves)
toys for Santa's big run.

Sees the children hoping
Christmas will turn out right.

Beard of White;
Works by night;
Bag in hand,
His sleigh flies off across the land.

Rudolf's nose, a red light;
Reindeer-powered flight --
Al Gore says it's all right.

Chestnuts roast on a fire;
Hymns sung by a choir;
All is calm, all is bright, yeah

Sleep my children, hoping
Christmas will turn out right.

Silent Night,
Holy Night,
Flight is planned;
His sleigh flies off across the land.

'Twas the night before Christmas
('Twas the night before Christmas)
And all through the house
(And all through the house)
Not a creature was stirring
(Not a creature was stirring)
Not even a mouse
(Not even a mouse)

Hush little baby don't say a word
And you might get a toy Big Bird;
Transformer toys like in Japan
From a sooty red-dressed man.

Beard of White,
Works by night,
Bag in hand. . . .

Silent Night,
Holy Night;
Flight is planned,
His sleigh flies off across the land.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

His sleigh flies off across the land.
Bag in hand
His sleigh flies off across the land.
Flight is planned. . .

His sleigh flies off across the land.
His sleigh flies off across the land.
His sleigh flies off across the land.

Perhaps they could host a Holiday special with AC/DC (I heard Hell's Bells on Christmas Day), Judas Priest (Giving After Midnight ), and Sleigher.

Update: A Special Guest could be Twisted Sister, with their rendition of O Come All Ye Faithful. (Last entry courtesy of Foxfier. Many thanks!

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009


You never know what will wander across your path! These turkeys decided to show themselves to C the other day, oblivious to the impending holiday.

A happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! And as a bonus, a double treat: the music of Queen and the antics of the Muppets:

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Gaming the System

C ran into what appears to ba a pretty good video game hoax by way of the Anchoress. Now C is not into video games at all, but this one caught her attention. It is called Mass We Pray, and it appears to lampoon the kitchier aspects of Christian video gaming, Catholicism, the WII system and gullible video game geeks.

A cross-chaplet (or an attempt at a rosary?) and kneeler controller!

Of course, anyone who has spent more than a Sunday in a Catholic church will recognize the problems with the "game." The kids cross themselves left-handed. They include "taking collection" and "conducting the choir" as a "sacrament and holy ritual." And of course the mixing of Protestant and Catholic motifs is a dead giveaway.

I would include in an expansion pack:
- the cantor's microphone and "too-high arrangement" level
- the deluxe K of C spaghetti dinner sauce ladle controller
- feedback-prone squealing hearing aid (try to guess which parishoner has it)

We Pray, Protestant Edition would include:
- Crockpot controller for the covered dish supper level
- Stay awake until the end of the sermon challenge
- "Race to the front" altar call level

And, to cover all markets, the game should be available in English, Spanish, French and Tongues.

This sort of reminds me of the "Jesus is a Friend of Mine"/Sonseed meme perpetuated by the dougsploitation blog -- without the innuendo.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bow Wow

Did you lose something, Mr. President?
Is something on the floor?
I did not think you'd come to call
with a back that's sore.

You're bent double, Mr. President;
a quite unseemly pose
for a leader, an organizer
whom everybody knows.

Look up here, Mr. President;
you are a head of state!
The leader of the free world
should not be found prostrate.

Oh, do come now, Mr. President;
this is all quite much
we don't need a demonstration
of a one-handed-toe-touch.

Please! Really, Mr. President;
Your wife gave the Queen a hug.
So you don't have to start out
by staring at the rug.

You must know, Mr. President,
the protocol you broke
has made you and your country
look like some kind of joke.

- Dminor


Wednesday, November 11, 2009

War and Rememberance

May you all have a Happy and Free Veteran's Day!

video hat tips: Mental Floss by way of Henley the Great Dane Says Boof!


Sunday, November 01, 2009

Walken in the Footsteps of Steve

Entertainer Steve Allen once postulated that rock and roll lyrics were the poetry of the new generations. Actually, he was just making a joke. Anyway, in the interest of culture, the minor premise offers the following dramatic reading of "Poker Face," (written by Stefani Germanotta and Nadir Khayat) by the actor Christopher Walken:

In the 1980s, Steve Allen would recite the lyrics to Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" (written by Pete Bellotte, Harold Faltermeyer and Keith Forsey), but he began the practice in the late 1950s, reading "Be-Bop-a-Lula" (Lyrics by Donald Graves or Bill "Sheriff Tex" Davis).