Groping for an Answer

The fuss and bother over the new airline screening machines and techniques have spurred the parody department into action:


Frisk You (to the tune of the Rolling Stones' "Miss You")
By Dminor (apologies to Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, and Billy Preston)

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I'm on business far from home
Gotta leave for San Antone
But there's issues
The new scanners, what they show
is too private -- I say no!
But then they frisk you

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh

Well, I've been haunted in my sleep
TSA is in my dreams
with a clear view
of my good side and my bad
Doughnuts that I had --
Embarrassing!

I can just imagine they say
"Hey, what's the matter man
You're never passing up buffets,
Don't stop at just one plate, no! when you can manage to eat two.
I bet he needs a case of wine
to wash down all the fancy foods
it looks like he's used to"

Oh, and you know the wait's so long
Ooh maybe they might find one bomb?
Even one bomb! one bomb!

I've been singing those trav'lers blues
Taking off my shoes
Security's crazy.
Now the scanner's raised up the bars
Sees through underdrawers
Want to ask them, tsk tsk tsk,
"What's the matter with you boy?"

Somethings I want to keep to myself
But then they frisk:

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh

Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh
Please don't frisk me, child!

I guess I'm lying to myself
to think I can skip this hell
Lord, they'll just frisk your child.
To keep bra bombs off the plane
Bombshell's can't refrain
Or, they will frisk you, gropingly

Oh, they'll frisk you, child

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

Lord, you'll feel defiled

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah

I detect a smile!

Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah aaah
Aaah aaah aaah aaah