Collapse-o

Economic times being what they are, the minor premise continues to console itself with an overactive parody department. Fortuntately, the tune for this one should be familiar to those who know the a cappella group Rockapella.

In this installment, the minor premise parody department addresses a phenomenon that crawls from the swamp of toxic assets, unnaturally animated by what some would call a distant, sinister force, feeding on financial flesh but yielding very little. It's. . . .

A Zombie Bank
by Dminor
(to the tune of Jumbie Jamberee, better known as Zombie Jamboree; apologies to Winston O'Conner, also known as Lord Intruder)

It was a zombie bank, you see
And a moribund fiduciary.
It was a zombie bank, you see
Caught in contracting economy.

You know it was caught mortgage bond buyin'
when the housing market started dyin'.
Since the debtors were in default
it ended up with an empty vault.
Its bottom line was . . .

In the red, fool! My knees are jelly!
Oh it don't have a dime 'cause it's tapped out already.
In the red; prospects are smelly:
It's a zombie bank, you see.

Real estate market, it wouldn't behave
So my bank's assets went to the grave.
The bank's left holding, when it's all done
A foreclosed house built in nineteen forty-one.

You know the president vowed to make his plan
The undisputed supreme law of the land.
One taxpayer, he had this to say:
"We will be paying still on our judgement day."
Sha! The bottom line is . . .

In the red, mon! My knees are jelly!
The bank don't have a dime 'cause it's tapped out already.
In the red; prospects are smelly:
It's a zombie bank, you see.

In the red, everyone we sing!
In the red, the prospects are smelly.
In the red - one, two, three, four

Hey! It's a zombie bank you see.
Someone must call out the FDIC!
Can't make a loan -- zombie bank, you see.
Whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah.

There are zombie stock brokers making bad trades
And Bernie Madoff doing the Ponzi-gate
The effects are felt from Tokyo to Rome,
Because we were buying too much home.

Huh? What'd we do? We're
In the red, We lost the mêlée.
We can't bum a dime -- the bank's tapped out already.
In the red, nothing is selling;
It's a zombie bank, you see.

Its bottom line was . . .
In the red, fool! My knees are jelly!
Oh it don't have a dime 'cause it's tapped out already.
In the red; prospects are smelly:
It's a zombie bank, you see.

It's in limbo!
In the red, mon! My knees are jelly!
The bank don't have a dime 'cause it's tapped out already.
In the red; prospects are smelly:
It's a zombie bank, you see.
Ha Ha Ha Hah!